It's Four A.M. - I'm pissed and I'm hungry.

Just finished feeding the baby tonight (or this early morning) and I can't get back to sleep. I'm hungry and my stomach is growling. Instead of eating, I've decided to blog about it. Normally, I'd get up and stuff my face with something not so healthy right about now maybe some cheese, some crackers, or a few pieces of bread to curb my appetite. I'm going to change this and not eat Instead I'm drinking a glass of water to fill me up until breakfast. I'm not sure if this is going to work, but I'll give it a shot.

One of the other reasons I'm not going to get up and eat is that I woke up thinking about some personal problems I'm having. I'm having some unresolved issues with someone and it's causing me frustration and stress. I know that if I eat when I'm feeling this way, it's going to lead to eating more than my fair share, just for comfort. Yet another crappy habit I'm trying to break.

Side Note:

I found out tonight that the portion of almonds I should be having is equivalent to the size of two dice. Isn't that like two almonds? I've been eating a palm full as a snack. I guess I need to pick another snack.

It also just hit me that one of my best friend's wedding is in October. I'll be in her wedding and I want to look good. I've committed to losing 5lbs. per month which would put me at -40lbs by the beginning of October. That puts me in the range of 168. I guess what is more important than weight is my body shape and proportions. Hopefully I will be in a better place about my size by then. As of right now I have been avoiding as many social situations as possible because of how big I am. I was telling a girlfriend yesterday that I feel like an over stuffed sausage in all of my clothes. My bras don't fit me well, my gut is huge! and the rest of me seems so much bigger. She was inviting me to an event this Friday, and frankly the idea of finding something to wear for it seems impossible. I feel as if for some reason I've not noticed myself in the mirror until now and what I'm seeing is shocking! This might possibly be the lowest my self esteem has ever been and frankly It needs to change.

On that note, I'm going to try to catch up on that last episode of Jersey Shore that I missed and divert my thoughts to my happy thought aka standing on a scale that reads 125lbs. Good night :)

Psst. I'm still hungry and the water isn't cutting it. I need to figure something out before this should happen again.