Week 10- I don't remember so it's not true.

First of all, I have to talk about what is GREAT in my life at the moment. I've been low for a couple weeks, yeah, but man oh man- something happened yesterday to make me regain my faith in humanity and prayer. No, I'm not turning into a holy roller any time soon, but fuck if I didn't drop on my knees a few days ago and pray for some stuff to happen. Yesterday it did.
My pride prevents me from disclosing the details. Well, shit, I guess this whole blog was about me dropping my pride and the pounds so fuck it. So, it's not secret that I'm super broke. Super duper broke. The queen of all brokeness. Okay, maybe not the Queen, but you get the picture.
The financial stress has been eating me up alive!!! Less for me, then for my little boy. I can live on Top Ramen and water for a while, and that's fine. My baby on the other hand has needs that come with being a baby. Those little cutesy baby needs are costly. They are not optional, and there are only so many coupons and corners you can cut before a dollar still equals a dollar. I have been bottling up my burdens from everyone. Everyone except the on person who should be on Team Santi with me. Unfortunately, his dad still is MIA and not willing to help out. Yesterday, I finally broke down. I finally told someone else what was going on. I felt relieved. I cried and breathed and told her everything. I needed to tell someone and who better than your BFF. She heard all the details and listened to all my crazy ranting. When it was all over, I just felt relieved to have gotten those things off of my chest. I used up more than my share of minutes, which lost me a phone for now, but I guess I needed to come out of hiding to someone. Yesterday was the day.
Of course, my fear in telling anyone, was that they would feel obligated to "help" in some way. Or feel like I was hitting them up for a hand out. Fortunately, my BFF knows me better than that. She listened and gave me a solution that I had never thought about, but was more than willing to entertain. The first thing she said was," I'm not going to offer to help you, because I know you and I know how you are. You'll think I'm feeling sorry for you, so you won't take it." It's so true. I won't. Mabye one day I'll kick myself in the ass for not reaching out for help, or maybe I'll feel better that I got through things on my own. I'm hoping for the latter, but I think that's bullshit too.
Anyway, long story slightly shorter. Someone who I don't know is my angel. I know her name only from stories from other people. I met her once briefly a few years ago. I think when my pride is a little more recovered, I might tell you what she did. For now, I'll tell you, that when I think of this girl, I cry because I'm so thankful.
Okay, next subject. Did you read that headline? "I don't remember, so it's not true." First things first, that is NOT my belief. Man oh man, I took enough drugs in my teens to know better than to make that statement. Facebook and my high school Alumni are proof to me that a.) drugs are bad b.) drugs screw with your memory and c.) people remember stuff that I said and did and I have no freaking clue what the hell they are talking about and VICE VERSA!! I don't know how many times I've had to email a mutual friend to ask, "Who the hell is this and why do they want to be my FB friend?" I've done it more than the amount of fingers I have on one hand.. pretty bad- and I pride myself on having a great memory.... For that matter, I have recounted stories to old friends and they have no idea what I'm talking about. Shit happens. Age happens. Whatevs..  What I don't get is, when someone tells me a story about something we did together, and I don't remember a damn thing about it. Yeah, I might say, are you SURE that was me?? Usually, they'll chime in with a "Yeah, don't you remember that __________" I'll try to remember and sometimes I might catch a glimpse and other times I don't even get a flicker. What I never ever ever do is suggest that the other person is lying or inventing stories. How offensive is that? I bring it up because I had one of those moments with someone this morning. No, I wasn't the one who didn't remember. In fact, two of us were recounting the same story while the person was saying it never happened and we were making it up. Uh.. what's wrong with this picture? Really? Couldn't you come up with something better than "we're inventing stories"? Here is why this bothers me. It's a basic equation:
I share a memory
You say I made it up
If what you say is true, then I am a liar. If what I say is true, you don't remember. When the subject at hand is so petty and small, and I would have no reason to make up a story about it- then why would you suggest that I'm making it up, rather than asking more questions to see if you remember? Perhaps it's because you don't want to know the truth, and saying someone is making it up is your default defense. All I'm saying is this, if you don't remember that's okay. Saying someone is making things up and running out of the room means maybe you should think about it some more. On your own. It's no big deal if you don't remember, but using a cop out defense is not an honorable way to move on.
Have any of you been told about something you did that you don't remember? How did you deal with it?