So, I tried the Alli.Not sure how I'm feeling about it. I've only been taking it for three days. It's making me really really really really bloated. Like Super bloat. I looked about 6 months pregnant two days ago, until I decided to stop taking three per day and only two.
I read about all the side effects and blah blah blah, I don't eat any really fatty foods, so I don't worry about the uh..anal leakage? Ew. Gross I know, but it's what they call a treatment effect. I'll tell you what though. I'm definately thinking twice about shoving a piece of chocolate in my mouth or having any junk food. The idea of uh..anal leakage. EW grosses me out so much, that I won't dare to cheat!! Tonight, my sis offered to pick up something from Carl's for me and I declined. I allowed myself to have a cheat on Valentine's Day without feeling shitty about myself. I had sausage, potato and biscuit for breakfast. I was very careful about my portion sizes and normally I would inhale a huge plate of this stuff, and this time I really was careful about how much. Later, I promised the family I would make them shrimp with lobster sauce for dinner. I had no idea what was in it until I cooked it. Basically, it's a ton of stuff I really don't need. I modified the quantity of oil it called for, I still needed to add the corn starch and soy sauce- but I left it so that anyone could add soy sauce to taste. I also was careful about my portions while serving myself. I paid close attention to how much rice I ate with my meal as well. Before I would have filled my bowl with rice and then heaped the shrimp on the top making it more of a volcano shape than a serving. This time, I served myself about a cup of rice, left a hole in the middle and put my shrimp in it's little rice basket. I was good!! My mom baked pie and had ice cream for desert. I didn't deprive myself, I had a small slice and one scoop of ice cream. So basically I've reduced my portions to less than half of what I've been eating before. I'm getting full, snacking on fruit through the day and feeling better about what I'm eating.
So, with this whole Alli stuff, they suggest you keep a diary of what you're eating so that you know what might trigger the leaking problem. I started doing that and found that I've been eating less than 800 calories per day. So how the hell am I so fat? I'm starving my body and it's hoarding food. Mind you, I've only been eating those 800 cals since I've started logging, I don't know what I was doing before. So, I literally had to increase my calorie intake to 1200 per day. I have a tendancy to over do the diet thing, and I think this is why I end up binging too. I am starving myself, always hungry and then I cheat and feel shitty for cheating.
I'm logging my meals now, and I'm having to do some mild meal planning in order to get my proper calorie intake. I'm having a hard time with my little one and juggling meals. It seems like every time I'm about to eat, he needs me to pick him up or he starts crying. I know, it's the same story with every mom out there isn't it? But seriously, I'm trying to get my body back on track and get my metabolism kicking and I'm still finding it very hard to eat at set times or to not go for more than four hours without eating.
For example tonight I ate lunch about 2:00. I took the kids to the park and we came back around 4pm. I was hungry, but dinner was about to be ready and I decided to just wait the extra 30 mins. Well, when dinner was done, so was my child and I didn't end up eating dinner until about 8:30pm when he was asleep. It was just veg soup, but still... I try putting him down and he cries and follows me holding his little hands in the air and I just can't say no to that. My stomach was growling and I was really hungry, but he needed me and what do I do then? Any suggestions?
The whole crack up in the title is really about me. I know part of loosing weight and getting fit is feeling less stress. I feel really overwhelmed and I'm not sure how to relieve it. Baby teething equals not getting enough sleep. I have a cold that I'm fighting. I was uncomfortably BLOATED for three days... and my baby Daddy flaked out yet again on taking my son for a while. I was so stressed out tonight when I finally ate that I had a big cry first, then ate dinner. I know eating and being stressful are a deadly combo, but Ahhh!! There is no light switch for stress and I couldn't tell my tummy to stfu for another hour- had to do it. I'm thinking I really need to find ways to calm myself down and relax. I don't know how, but I suspect it's going to involve putting my child in day care for at least once a week so I can have some time for myself. I think part of my frustration tonight was that a few days ago (the night of my shopping melt down), I called Santi's dad and very politely asked when he was planning on visiting/taking him for a while (it's been almost 8 weeks since he's seen him). He told me he would be here for Santi on Monday. Knowing that I would have some time alone on Monday gave me something to kind of look forward to. I was just excited about having an hour to myself. Not that I want to do anything special, I just want time to tune out and feel good about my baby's whereabouts. Today is monday, and he called me about 6pm with some excuse as to why he couldn't be here. It just deflated my whole little thought balloon of "Yay!! What am I going to do for a whole hour alone??" I was so excited, and really all I had decided I would do is walk to Rite Aid and pick up some toiletries for myself. How silly really. I never really appreciated stupid little things like shopping for shampoo and conditioner alone until now. I guess it's not really the act of shopping, it's the act of not being pressed for time. The feeling of "I can just take my time" because I know someone else will feed him, change him, play with him and he'll be okay. Anyway, not sure when that's going to happen, so I'm going to have to find that zen place inside myself soon before I drive myself coocoo!
The other thing I bought this week was a sweat belt. The trainer that I never see wanted me to buy that and a sweat suit for running. I've been wearing the sweat belt and it freaking works. At the park today, I was sweating up a storm!! Unfortunatley, I bend down to pick up my little guy and an air bubble came up through the back causing some narsty sweat leakage on my back. It was pretty gross, but whatever. I'm sweating it all out.
That's it for now. I'll post my results tomorrow when I can!! How is everyone else doing??
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