Man, oh, man! I was really awful this week! I cheated so hard and I only worked out 2x's. This rain and staying in doors plus the foot ball game and all the snacks.... Sound familiar?
The truth is, I totally boned out on my diet this week. I've totally blamed everyone and everything else for flaking out on my diet, and the truth of the matter is that it's just me. What I DID do, was reflect back on what was happening on the day that I decided to bone out. Here goes:
The last day I did my walk, which was last Thursday?? I was having some personal issues (what's new). Anyway, as I did my walk, I talked to my BFF on the phone about what was bothering me. I have a butt load of guilt issues regarding a certain person. The dynamic this person and I have is basically- They promise something, When I ask for it, they snap at me and call me selfish or greedy. It's something really shitty that I've come to realize is just part of my relationship with that person and I need to change the way I react. Usually, I beat myself up about being greedy or asking for the thing and then pretend they never committed to anything and turn the other cheek. The problem is that now, this relationship has evolved as such that when any type of interaction occurs between this person and I, I am so afraid of being called selfish or greedy, that I immediately react as if that event has already happened and I start feeling guilt as if I've done something wrong. Did I loose you? Well, yeah, like I said, it's complicated.
So, I have this conversation with my BFF and say, "I am not going to react that way anymore. I'm going to change how I react in these situations and not feel guilty anymore." What did I do? I ate. I ate and ate and ate. I finished my walk, played with my son in the park, then on the way home I ate a donut and a sandwich and a boba. I said I wasn't going to feel guilty any more, but I ate my guilt instead of dealing with those feelings any more. I didn't go to the gym that night and I have not been walking since. The whole rest of the week, I noticed that I was down on myself again and not quite motivated anymore. I sat down a day or so ago and asked myself what triggered my deflated ways to sit on my ass again- and I came up with this.
So, yeah, I have emotional triggers. I need to find a way to get past them. I also need to find a way to stop making excuses for flaking on my diet. The result of this week of inactivity was that I gained weight again. Not much, but it's not like I lost a zillion pounds in week one.
Week 3
205.9 +0.8 lbs.
This was not the thing I was looking forward to posting this week. Also, my goal board slipped behind my dresser and I stopped looking at it. I just basically closed my eyes to what I committed to myself because of guilt. Nobody did this to me, I did this to me and I need to figure out a way to stop reacting this way.
This week my challenges also included my gym buddy not wanting to go to the gym. I used it as an excuse, and it's not a very good one. I could have done something and I didn't. I also blamed the rain, and once again, not a good excuse. I stopped writing for the last week and I know it's because writing meant that I would have to hold myself accountable to what I was doing. I would have to tell you that I'm cheating and I bought two gallons of ice cream, both my FAVORITE flavors and I've been sitting on my ass and doing nothing. I don't ever eat ice cream or donuts for that matter!!! I can't remember the last time I ate a donut- it's been years!!! The last time I ate ice cream before that was my Dad's birthday in October. It's a rarity and for some reason, I really went for it. Here were my cheats
Donut- Boston Cream on Wednesday
Rocky Road Ice Cream- (2 nights in a row)
Pistacio Ice Cream- (nestled together with the Rocky Road)
Butter Pecan Ice Cream (once and I actually really don't like it.)
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups- (on Sunday during the superbowl)
Chunk( no pun intended and I don't even really like those either)
Doritos (on Sunday during the super bowl)
Salami - Super Bowl Salami
Pizza- On super bowl sunday
Basically, I sucked it. I totally gave up and didn't watch what I ate. I just ate junk and had a fuck it attitude the whole time I was doing it. I thought, well, I already cheated on Wednesday by eating that donut so, I might as well eat what ever now. I'm calling bullshit on myself so hard because I really deserve it!
So, I got back on track Monday. I took out my goal board and dusted it off. I told myself that I will jump on the trampoline for 45 minutes or used the eliptacle if I can't go to the gym. I've been back on my diet and have been back on track. I posted some new goals and I'm excited about completing them too. This time, I"m going to try some positive reinforcement when I start to feel guilt. Also, I'm going to allow myself a cheat without feeling like I have to quit. Initially, I got on this health kick with my Mom and My Sis, but it seems that they are in a different place then I am. I thought I can do it this time because they were going to be doing it with me. The problem with that is that I will not be around them forever and I can not expect them to motivate me. I need to motivate me!
Coco has suggested we meet on Thursday's @ five for a walk @ Wilson Park. If you're interested either message me or call me. I'm game!!
How is everyone else doing? Did you have a Super Bowl Cheat day too?? How are you handling your cravings? Do you eat when you're feeling bad and how do you get through that?
xox P
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4 comments:
You're not the only one who eats her worries away, so don't guilt yourself about it because then guess what...you're gonna eat more. Well my superbowl started out good (at bbq chicken and salad) and then came half time and a trip to the emergency room because Rosie was having problems breathing and a rash all over her body. I haven't had chocolate in almost a year and candy in about 3 - 4 months but there I was in the waiting room with Robert and Briana eating chewy jolly ranchers. Thankfully she was released and is doing better but I found myself all this week eating brownies, donuts (chocolate bars are my favorite) and chips because Monday she had another trip to the emergency room. She is doing better but continues to have the rash (hope she doesn't get upset that I am sharing this info). So I will let what you have said sink into my brain as well and try to figure out a way to deal with my nervous eating too. XOXO Liza
Thank you for sharing Liza! (And I'm glad you figured out how to post yayaya!!) Poor Rosie and her sensitive skin!
i usually have one "cheat meal" (i'll have to admit sometimes it turns into a cheat day) just so i can have a reminder of what i'm missing out on. it helps. unfortunately my first cheat meal was not very satisfying so i had another one the next day. and desert with both. but monday was a rebirth for me as well. back on the health track! doing my morning aerobics and walking and going to the gym two times this week! i'm kind of neglecting the online classes i'm supposed to be doing, but this is the most "stick-with-it" i've been about getting in shape in a long time. i really want to commit myself to doing this!
-coco
Go Coco!!
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